Realization

Sometimes in the quest to achieve something, it's really easy to lose track of what you already have. I realized this today just by reading a letter one of my best friends had written for me when I left India. It made me laugh, it made me reminisce and it sure made me appreciate my life more - the fact that I had such good friends was proof of that for me. It's something as simple as that that makes you appreciate your life more. And boy, what a difference that makes!

The past few weeks has been a little crazy for me...I've been trying to juggle multiple things at the same time..and I haven't been doing very well at that. 24 hours in a day just doesn't seem enough for me to complete everything that I need to. To add to that, I feel like I have to consantly prove myself/my capabilities to the people around me. Even though I did well last year, I feel like I'm starting from scratch again and honestly, that has been draining. Am I too hard on myself...I think I am because the fact is that I have a tendency to get complacent very easily. However, at the same time I find that because I am constantly stressing myself out about things, I hardly end up doing anything because I'm too busy worrying (or daydreaming, as has been the case lately) to actually do anything. This has an adverse impact on everything from my class participation to managing my time effectively and it is something that I really need to get sorted out. I am not even getting that much sleep because, in my opinion, that will cut down on the time I have to get everything done and because of that I end up sleeping everyday in class, thus leaving my professors with a bad impression of myself. I always have this tendency to make life harder for myself than it really is!!

Today, I set the alarm but never ended up getting up because I was just too exhausted..when I did I started working on my action plan for my leadership class. That got me thinking about my 'personal brand' and everything that I needed to do this year to achieve my goals. Believe me, there is a lot that I need to do and I expect it to be overwhelming! The good part of this exercise though, was the fact that it made me introspect. It gave me some 'me' time, some time when I could just take a breather! This is something that I have been sorely lacking the past few weeks. Then I read the letter..all this while I've been so worried about establishing my personal brand and adhering to people's expectations from me i forgot that I already have my brand in place. And, it is one that is credible, that is appreciated and that has gotten results in the past. I also realized that I have people around me who know and appreciate me for who I am (something that is easy to forget when you're constantly trying to meet other people and fit into their expectations)and who genuinely care about me. These are the people who matter the most.

I started of the day worrying about how many items I was going to cross off from my endless to-do list (especially since I had woken up late). Now, I have a greater appreciation for everything I have already achieved (something that is real easy to forget) and I know that if I have done it once, I can do it again. How important this is to me is shown by the fact that I had to immediately put my thoughts down by blogging about it....despite the fact that I have to be in college in one hour and havn't done anything! I guess it's finally time to go now...I can see the sun shining outside my window and I know that this is going to be a good day!