An Unexpected Lesson

Quite a bit has happened on the Maya front. The class wrote a letter condemning the actions of our dear 'president' and lending full support to Nair. I'm really glad we were able to stand up to her. We wanted to make it public but on the advice of the teachers we decided to refrain from doing so in order to maintain our dignity and not resort to the same tactics as she does. I didn't go to college today but I hear she's come up with a rejoinder to our letter. Doesn't she have anything better to do? She is seriously jobless. We don't plan to respond though. Everytime she comes up with a new pamphlet she only reaffirms how foolish she is. Anyway, to move on to a much more pleasant topic, I saw Pride & Prejudice with Ashmi and Isa. All of us absolutely LOVED it. I never thought there could be a more dreamy Mr. Darcy than Colin Firth in the BBC version but I guess I was wrong. Matthew Macfayden is absolutely fantastic as Darcy. I was dreaming about him the whole night. The chemistry between him and Keira Knightley is really amazing. She is brilliant as Elizabeth Bennet and the liveliness with which she essays her role is very different from the earlier interpretations. The proposal scenes were some of the most romantic I have ever seen and I still haven't stopped going over them in my head. The movie is a must for all Austen and Darcy fans...it doesn't hurt if your just a hopeless romantic either.
The next day we went to American Diner for an 'All you can eat' breakfast and believe me when I say we STUFFED ourselves. I couldn't eat anything else for the whole day and of course, there was a cricket match which we won. The way the Indian team played was fantastic. They really gave the Pakistanis a drubbing!! When I was coming back home after the breakfast, the auto driver suddenly started talking to me about the importance of time and how every second counts( All this was in hindi). It kind of took me by surprise...I don't know why but maybe one doesn't expect an auto driver to tell you that kind of stuff- maybe your parents, yes. It's not that I think they are dumb or anything, not at all. It's just that when you get into an auto the driver is just someonewho drives you to your destination. You don't really think about the kind of life they lead, the opinions they have or any such thing. It made me realise that they are no different from any of us. He went on to speak about the importance of education. He has three sons, all who got above 90% in their boards and are now trying to get into IIT. All three managed to get scholarships at different levels of their studies- one in B.sc, the other in M.sc and so on. Their father had their whole life planned out for them- the kind of jobs they would get, the money they would earn, everything. Nothing less than engineering was good for his sons. One could see the pride in his eyes when he talked about them because like he said, a parent can dream about what they want for their children but ultimately its upto the kids. He was fortunate to have children who had fulfilled all the dreams he ever had for them and who would probably go on to do much more.
The conversation made me feel quite small because I felt that my parents had given me all the advantages one can ever give a child and I had done nothing to repay them. It made me look at my own attitude towards life. I want all the good things in life but when it comes to working for it, thats where I have a problem- I'm not willing to. There is no compensation for hard work, even I know that but one does tend to get laidback at times. Studies take a backstage, and everything else comes first. It takes a wake up call for you to realise that just having fun is not going to take you anywhere in life. I don't want to spend my whole life struggling and depending on my parents. I hear about young people making it big very early in life and I want to be like them but its not going to be easy. In order to that I have to work hard at whatever I set out to do. Sure, everyone needs some relaxation but for me at least, the time to work is now. Do well in studies, get into good colleges, get a great job, make your parents proud and finally make yourself happy. There will always be time later on to enjoy all the fruits of one's labour. I can still enjoy myself but I have to make sure I don't lose sight of my priorities.

Of Death, Cricket and an ASS who happens to be our college president...

The past few days have been quite eventful. Although its just been the usual routine, college and back home, things have picked up pace in the past two days. Day before yesterday I had a dream which quite alarmed me. Apart from the nature of the dream, it was the vividness of the dream itself which took me by surprise. The last time I had nightmares was when I was a kid. Since then I've had very pleasant ones- most of them funny and some of them downright wierd. They were fun though, I could think of them and laugh. More often than not however, I completely forgot about them once I woke up...
The dream I had that night began a little vaguely. After that I remember being chased by someone in a forest-like area. Somehow I knew I had done something wrong so I felt the person was completely justified in coming after me. I don't know how but the next moment I was in a cottage and this person(it was a woman) had a gun pointed at my face. Even then I didn't think she was doing anything wrong and I also knew I didn't have much time left. In reality I don't like inflicting pain on myself, I mean who does? but I do know that I would never want to be shot- the pain would be too unbearable. Somehow here though I simply waited for the shot to be fired and it was. I got wounded on my leg and fell to the ground at once. The scary thing was I could literally feel the life going out of me. I wanted it to end sooner and kept wishing the shot had been a fatal one. The person had left and I was alone in the cottage(it was dark). I hated the fact that there was nothing I can do...I think I was suffering for quite a while when the person came back (I think she was searching for someone). She obviously didn't expect me to be alive and as soon as I saw her I begged her to just shoot me again and this time she pointed the gun at my chest... I felt the bullets go into me (there were two, I think) and I remember involuntarily trying to put my hands across my chest but before I could feel the pain it was all over. The next minute I felt myself being raised and before I knew it the cottage was below me and that was when I woke up.
Frankly speaking, I really don't know what to make of it. It is said that dreams are basically the manifestation of your sub-conscious but I am sure I was no where close to thinking of my own death, I'm pretty sure. The next night I was actually a little scared of going to sleep lest it happen again but luckily I had quite a fun dream if I remember right- one which I cannot remember now. Thats what makes it all the more strange because this felt like it had really happened. After reading this I'm sure people are going to think I'm a freak- I assure you I am not. Maybe a little wonky in the head but no, not a freak.
Anyway, yesterday was a cricket match between India and Pakistan- which India won. Yay!! Whooo hoooooooooooooo!!! (You can call me a freak now if you want). Dipanwita and me were stuck in front of the JCR (Junior Common Room) in college the whole day till we left. It was loads of fun there because thats the only place in college which has a tv(for the students) so it was always packed. There was a sense of community- for lack of a better word, just cheering together everytime a wicket was taken and groaning everytime the opposition hit a four. Usually its just my dad and myself who are hooked in front of the tv so this was nice for a change. Luckily for him he was at the stadium watching it live- I'm never going to forgive him for not taking me...The worst part though was I missed the best part of the match- when Dhoni was hitting the Pakistani bowlers all over the park. When Kaif got out I couldn't bear to watch because in case another wicket was taken we would definitely have lost, so I switched to Friends. By the time I checked the score again it was certain we were going to win. Thus I have now decided that from now on I will watch the entire match even if we are playing badly because I don't want to regret missing anything.
Moving from cricket, today was Valentine's Day. For me however it was just another normal day. It's not like I don't believe in it but I've never had anyone to celebrate it with so it's nothing special for me. Anyway, all of us thought that our President, Maya John's antics were on the dwindle considering we're nearing the end of the year but STUPID A#$*# that she is she still hasn't lost her knack of getting under the skin of practically the entire student body. Rajeev Nair has a wierd sense of humour-all his students will vouch for that. Even I cringe at some of the jokes but that does not take away from the fact that he is a pretty good teacher, in my opinion at least. We're doing Lysistrata which is a greek play which has the women go on a sex-strike in order to bring about peace during the war so we kind of expected his sleazy jokes and had pretty much got used to it. The student's union are anyway considered a bunch of feminists but when he asked Ujjitra if a sex-strike would work in the case of the union he was just JOKING!!!!! Maya has the absolute nerve to call that an act of Sexual harassment for crying out loud. I mean what is her damn problem?? She wasn't even there and on top of it mentioning our class in her letter to the principal- which by now the entire college has read- is absolutely disgusting especially since we do NOT share any of her views beacuse we know that he himself probably doesn't believe half the things he says in class.
I really feel bad for Nair because he is being victimised for absolutely no reason. There is no need for him to give a public apology, as she demands. I mean, what is he supposed to apologise for? Who does Maya think she is? She accuses the whole college of being gender biased but she herself uses the gender card to get things done. How sick can a person get. If she was here right now I swear I would have slapped her right across her angelic little face and wrung her neck till she screamed. If she has problem with everything Stephen's does then she should have left the college a long time ago. Instead, I bet in the future she is going to use the Stephanian card to get a job or God knows what. I literally feel like kicking her out of college. She dosn't deserve to be president at all. I'm sorry but I have to let my frustration out AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHG#%$%^$^&(*&)&$@#$$#$$@$#ahh^&%&*
I really, really hope nothing happens to Nair. He doesn't need his career to be cut short because of an upstart dwarf who thinks she can get away with anything. It's upto us now to stop her in her tracks and put her in place. She thinks all the females in college are backing her but it's time we show her that she's living in a fool's paradise, the scum bag that she is $^$#&%#$

Lessons in Theatre

Today there was an informal discussion on theatre held at college where eminent theatre personalities who were also ex-Stephanians were called. I hadn't intended on staying but I had nothing else planned, so I thought why not and anyway Ashmi would have again accused me of running away from college soon after classes (I don't know where she gets that idea??). Just looking at the names of the Roshan Seth, Kabir Bedi, Barkha Dutt etc. one would have expected the hall to be bursting with people but at one o clock (the time it was supposed to start) the hall was still empty. The crowd started trickling in soon enough though.
The discussion turned out to be a lot of fun. I myself can't act for nuts but listening to these people talk about their college days and give us little anecdotes about life and so on was pretty interesting. Roshan Seth spoke the most- he spoke well, mind you- but I sort of felt bad for the others as they took the part of listeners for most of the discussion. One thing all of them emphasised was that whatever path we take in life it should be something we enjoy and love doing. Even if it doesn't pay much and requires a lot of struggle it should be something that gives you satisfaction. When you wake up in the morning you should have a smile on your face just thinking about your day ahead. The future is something we are all supposed to be thinking about at this stage of our life so that got me thinking.
I want to be happy, who doesn't?...but thats where the money part comes in. I mean, everyone wants to earn well. The ideal job would be one that I love and which pays well. I do realise however that this is not an ideal world and not everyone gets what they want. What do I really want??? Whenever someone asks me what I plan to do in the future I say Mass Communications but that's about it. Within that there are different options like advertising ( I don't think I'm creative enough for that), Journalism (I don't have the drive to go all out to get my story- Pioneer taught me that), print media ( I'm not sure I will be able to handle the pressure of writing within deadlines).The thing is I'm not willing to give myself a chance- I give up way too easily. It happened in my first year of college while trying to get into societies and I have always regretted that. The last thing I need is for that to happen again.
Two years of college have already passed and by next year I should have figured exactly what I want to do. What today's discussion taught me was nothing to with theatre but more with life itself. Whichever career path I choose it has to be something I'm passionate about, irrespective of the economics concerned. Money is important I know, but...
I guess it's upto me now to decide which path to take- money or personal fulfilment. Who knows maybe I'll get lucky and find one which has both.

Why on earth do I get bugged so easily???

Irritating people are never hard to find. I met ample number of them during my school days and college hasn't been any different. The problem with me is I get riled up too easily...if I am angry with a person it shows on my face. For my own sake I know I should learn to keep my not-so-friendly feelings in check but that is not so easy.
I hate people who think they are better than the rest-those who speak up in class just to flaunt their knowledge, I mean there is something known as Modesty. To a certain extent its fine but when someone tries to sound intelligent just for the sake of it, I feel like telling them to just Shut Up-anyway, invariably they end up making fools of themselves. Then there are the attention seekers who stoop to anything in order to get noticed. Watching them try their tactics-especially in front of teachers is embarassing, for me that is. They, on the other hand have no qualms at all.
I am well aware of the fact that I myself have qualities that might drive people crazy, but if I have any inkling of them I will consciously try to change. This tirade of mine can in all likelihood be considered arrogant- which I can be at times and which I know will not get me many brownie points. Strangers who see me walking on the road with my nose up in the air will consider me the biggest snob ever, but thats my way of keeping unwanted attention at bay. I am not trying to defend myself but people who get to know me will say otherwise, they realise that the person on the road is not the real me. Someone once called me dull because I don't show my emotions freely. I realise that is probably true but I didn't feel bad at all instead I felt like laughing because I like to have fun my own way-without making a complete buffoon of myself. If that makes me dull, fine by me.

Love

I picked up Love in The Time of Cholera at a book fair in college a few months back. I had heard so much about the book that I wanted to see what all the fuss was about. Moreover, it had the word 'love' in the title so, hopeless romantic that I am I got to reading it at once. I found it hard to get through the first few pages but after that it was smooth sailing. The story was not what I expected though....
Actually, I don't know what I expected. I myself have never been in love so obviously I don't know what its like but I do believe in the concept of soulmates - where I see myself with one person who will keep me happy for the rest of my life and let me do the same for him. Nothing will ever come between us, our life will be perfect...But of course in today's world, its hard to imagine something like that ever happening. Divorce, extra-marital relationships, death- these are the realities we have to live with today. So I find it hard to imagine that I will ever find what I am looking for- I hope I do find that special someone I really do, but one never knows what God has in store for you in the future. I absolutely love watching movies with happily-ever-after endings because everytime I watch one it kind of strengthens my belief in true love. I know its all make believe but watching other people in love gives me some comfort, especially when i think the same is never going to happen to me.
I guess I expected the book to be closer to my version of love but, it was more realistic. The couple in the book have more than their own share of problems-they fight over the silliest things, they come close to separating, there are times when they can't stand each other and others when they know that without the other person they would never have achieved all that they had in life-they would be incomplete. Running parallel to this is another love story and it is this which perplexes me the most- I really don't know what to make of it. It borders on a kind of obsession (for lack of a better word) and its culmination is not something I am in favour of. Florentino Ariza's love(s) and his methods of staying in love with one woman are unlike anything I have heard of- but then again its probably just my ignorance and lack of maturity speaking. When I finally closed the book, I was left with a feeling of confusion and emptiness. I could not ( and still cannot) understand why the critics had given it such rave reviews because for me more than the style of writing and the themes, it is the story itself which matters the most. It's a very simplistic way of reading a text, I know but I can't help myself.
The book has not affected me so much for me to rethink my notions of love as much as it has made me aware of the fact that love is a more complex emotion than we teenagers think it is. I realise its time I took off my blinkers and learn to see love in all it's different dimensions.

Life...

Doing English as your major has its disadvantages...for one, people always expect your vocabulary to be perfect. I at least have become so conscious of what I say in public that I end up making more mistakes than I normally would. Second, you are expected to know and have read all the classics that have ever been written- whether it is The Odyssey or Pilgrim's Progress. If you don't, then you can't really call yourself a student of English Literature can you? Well, I still do although I haven't read either ( I have read a lot of Wodehouse, though I'm not sure his works are considered classics ..or are they??) Third and most importantly all English students are expected to have a natural flair for writing. Most of my friends write poems and short stories and so on but not me...I've just never been able to do it. Well at least till a month back when I had the sudden urge to write poetry. The result is here for all to see.It's not anything great so please don't expect anything profoud because you'll will be sorely disappointed. It is just something simple so whosoever feels like commenting, please be frank in your opinion...

Life…

What do you do…
When your world becomes alien to you
And you don’t know how, when and why?
When everyone seems to be going somewhere
And you always feel left behind
When the people who you love the most
Are always the ones to die
When you do your best to sport a smile
Though deep inside you really want to cry

What do you do…
When you know your wrong
But won’t admit it- pride does come before a fall
When you think there is no one worse than you
Everyone but you is perfect after all…
When all you can think of is what you want
Instead of being grateful for what you have
When you begin questioning your own existence
Foolish and ignorant as you are

What do you do…
When you switch on the television
And see only sadness and destruction
When people seem to have lost all their humanity
For absolutely no reason
When nature strikes back
And you don’t know where to run
When you look around you
And wonder if even God has his back turned

In all these cases all you can do is hope and pray….

Because the time will come
When heroes will emerge from amid the destruction
When you will emerge from your inner turmoil a stronger person
When you still shed tears- but now of laughter and of joy
When you realise there is someone out there who cares about you - more than you know
When all the world seems right again-
Because there is a God after all.